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  • Home >> Jokes >> Funny Insurance Deals: Body Parts

    Funny Insurance Deals: Body Parts

    This is a guest post by Lornem. If you would like to write for NiharsWorld, check our guest posting guidelines.

    Insurance is a serious business. That does not mean, however, that you cannot get creative. There are many insurance deals which will conjure a smile on your face, and many which will have you thinking for days to come.

    Today, we are listing the craziest insurance deals on people’s body parts. Stay tuned for other insurance categories!

    1. Wikimedia Coommons

      Wikimedia Coommons

      Hair. Well, okay, maybe hair is not exactly a body part, but if you have a strong emotional and cultural connection to it, and you expose it to risk, you may well need to think about insuring it! This is certainly the case with an American football player Troy Polamalu, who had his hair insured for $1 million in case one of the other players pulled a chunk of it out.

    2. Eyes. Believe it or not, if your crossed eyes are what makes you famous, you need to take out a policy – in case they uncrossed. This was the case with silent-movie star Ben Turpin as early as in the twenties. Now it would be truly bizarre if Ben had insured his voice, wouldn’t it?
    3. Voice. Rod Stewart and Bruce Springsteen both have their voices insured for $6 million. We can now all sing along. Funnily enough, most female singers insure their legs instead of their voices. Do you know WHY?
    4. Tongue. Somewhat unsurprisingly, Gene Simmons of Kiss is said to have insured his extremely long tongue for $1 million. It seems that if you have any good taste whatsoever, you should also go ahead and insure it. What if!? The food critic Egon Ronay, the ice-cream taster (yes, there is such a job) John Harrison, and the coffee taster Gennaro Pelliccia have very smartly insured their taste buds for $400,000, £700,000 and £10 million respectively. Hmm, I wonder whether they have read the newest research on taste being mostly smell-based…
    5. Nose. Angela Mount obviously has and now her so-called ‘olfactory system’ is worth $10 million. Also, the blend master Richard Paterson smelled that £1.5 million coverage on his nose might be a good deal. Another actor, singer, and pianist James Durante, nicknamed ‘The Schnoz’, decided that his signature large nose was worth $50,000. If Samson could have his power in his hair, Jimmy might have had his humour in his nose.
    6. Smile. Well, this one seems relatively ambiguous to me. What if we overdose on a smiley face so much that we actually hate the smile? Philosophy aside, Ugly Betty alias America Ferrera felt that her smile should be treasured at humble $10 million. I bet she doesn’t think she really is ugly.
    7. Teeth. If you are not pretty enough to have your smile or face insured, why not insure at least your teeth? The funny-man Dr Kenneth Dodd decided that his signature teeth were easier to insure than his feather duster/tickling stick. The $7.4 million coverage on Dodd’s teeth hardly sounds more overwhelming than his amazing ability to tell 7.14 jokes per minute for 3.5 hours.
    8. Facial hair. As if hair was not enough, you can also insure your facial hair or, in other words, beard. This is exactly what the entire Derbyshire Whiskers Club did in the UK: they insured their signature beards against fire and theft. How shrewd and prudent of them! Not far behind is the former Australian cricket player Merv Hughes, valuing his own beard at modest $317,000.
    9. Chest. Yes, we mean chest, not bosom. (Read on for the latter.) It so seems that Tom Jones has insured his chest hair for $7 million! Imagine how much “money” goes literally down the drain when Tom takes a shower…
    10. Breasts. So, if Dolly Parton crashes and one-too-many protective cushions fire up into her face, she will cash in $600,000 on the spot. Similarly, a male Thai transvestite who, in the fear that her breast implants may explode in high altitudes during a flight, insured them for $500,000. The question is whether or not the payout is going to make any difference in the end.
    11. Arms and hands. Are you a pianist, sculptor, or a painter? Never mind that unless your hands are worth more on paper than those of yo-yo master and radio presenter Harvey Lowe. His hands were insured for $150,000 by the Cheerie Yo-Yo Company to protect his dexterity in 2,000 different yo-yo tricks.
    12. Waist. Waist insurance, for those of you new in the field, is usually supposed to offset the losses incurred by weight gain. Bette Davis, so used to playing mean girls, would likely not have been as mean if she had not had her waistline insured for $28,000. As little as it seems now, those were definitely big bucks during the Great Depression.
    13. “Bottoms.” The best deal on buttocks insurance was landed by a Brazilian Playboy model Susana Alves. She got a $2 million worth of coverage just for showing up in the insurer’s ads and on billboards. Now that’s what I call a “bumbum” policy.
    14. Ankles. While this body part gets often overlooked, it is indispensable for almost any athlete. Valuing his ankles at $12 million was the retired St. Louis Cardinals’ Mark McGwire.
    15. Legs. OK, ending at the very bottom, there are the legs. If you think that your legs are what keeps your fridge full, then you can easily make sure they are covered as well. If you want to chat about it first, talk to David Beckham, Fred Astaire, Michael Flatley, Jamie Lee Curtis, …, Heidi Klum, Tina Turner, or Rihanna. Well, I understand that Heidi or Michael Flatley want to insure their bread-winning legs. But if Rihanna and Tina think they are more popular for their legs than their voices, there is something very creepy going on in the show business.

    According to scientific research, your entire body might be worth up to $50 million if you are healthy enough overall. It seems that the bodies of some people are simply dearer than those of others.

    What did you manage to insure? What do you still want to insure? Let us know in the comments!

    Written by Lorne Marr, an independent insurance broker in Canada, a specialist in Canadian life insurance companies. While Lorne can’t guarantee you won’t lose a finger or your tongue, he can definitely help you get the best life insurance plan out there.

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    One Comment

    1. $400,000, £700,000 and £10
      can u tell how this pound sign you wrote from your keyboard?

      Also, u wrote
      The $7.4 million coverage on Dodd’s teeth
      Is it true that this much coverage is on his teeth or is it just a Joke?


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